Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

TV's top comedians spent their airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday jingle directed at the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he handles."

Colbert's target was the new program that permits foreign individuals to buy U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "premium" option for five million. A government page promises approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to affluent foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the scheme is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.